Thursday, March 16, 2006

Sometimes



warm sunny days
a child's red spade
with a wooden handle
.
down the beach
comes a line of donkeys
their braying
a weather beaten man
in a sweat stained trilby
.
teenage tantrum
sometimes it's hard to tell
snowflake from blossom
.
Little Onion
The original was:

I remember a warm sunny day in Cleethorpes. A child's red spade with a wooden handle. Down the beach comes a line of donkeys led by a weather beaten man in an old trilby. Their braying startles an old woman from her dreams.

teenage tantrum
sometimes it's hard to tell
snowflake from blossom
.
Little Onion

Some Links:
Cleethorpes .. Beach Donkeys

3 comments:

Little Onion said...

Clfford writes to me to point out the two 'olds' quite near to each other in this piece and he is of course right - 'old trilby' then 'old woman' and so I'm searching for another approach to those two lines and will replace the piece once decided. It's good to get such support from readers - and anyone that has views on any of my writing I welcome your help.

Thanks Clifford!

Little Onion

Cecilia said...

Hello Little Onion,

Is that an "old woman" in the winter of her years? Or an "old woman" whose dreams constitute of experiences gleaned from reflections of her past?

C.

Little Onion said...

hi cecilia,

i'm thinking it's probably more the latter though each reader might make thier own connection with the piece - for me the latter comes to the fore with the link and shift between the haiku and the rest of the piece and then the teenager/blossom/snowflake element comes into play perhaps too

but i'm revisiting the piece even as i write now - this piece might be cut to the bone become less specfic maybe the old woman will melt away from the piece - at least in terms of the written word - just like a snowflake - the snowflake and blossom might also be a link back to the donkeys all of whom usually have such names hung around their necks...

LO